Everyone wants to die fast, but that is not the way of most.
This week, Grady’s 92-year-old father took his last breath. He had been winding down since October, hanging on to life, we believe, for his wife of 68 years.
Coincidentally, in the same week I discovered the poet and musician Nick Cave who suffered deep love and grief from the loss of two sons. His music is not morose but melodic and his words are strangely comforting.
Grief as a Manifestation of Love:
Cave believes that grief is an inseparable part of love. That pain felt is a testament to love lost. He views grief not just as despair, but as a complex emotion encompassing happiness, sorrow, anger, and even a kind of peace. For me, the peace I felt when I lost my parents to old age also brought guilt; a feeling Nick left out.
Cave says his experience with grief has led him to a deeper understanding of empathy, forgiveness, and the fragility of life. He now sees grief as a force that can enlarge the heart, leading to a desire to be more, do more, and love more. Hearing these words of more I realize Cave has put the feelings I had after losing my parents into words; love more, live more, life is fleeting.
He also acknowledges the importance of rituals and practices, such as lighting candles, attending church, journaling, or sitting in a quiet place as a way to process and make space for these powerful emotions.
Living with Grief
For Cave, grief is not something to overcome or escape, but rather something to be lived through and integrated into one’s life. He suggests that even in the face of profound loss, there is a way to find meaning and even a kind of freedom in acknowledging one’s powerlessness. Again, Cave has put some of my feelings into perspective; Live Free for we only have today.
In essence, Nick Cave’s words on loss and death offer a powerful and nuanced perspective on the human experience of grief, emphasizing the enduring power of love, the growth in grief, and the possible presence of the deceased not as a ghost but as a feeling that walks beside us, the mystery of death.
Rest in Peace, Daddy Mac. We feel you.
About The Author
Kerry McCoy has been in the American flag and banner business for over 50 years, founding Arkansas Flag and Banner in 1975, which has operated as FlagandBanner.com since 1995. Her insights into patriotic trends, and flag sales patterns come from decades of serving customers across America during times of celebration, crisis, and everything in between.
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